How Leaving Management Helped Me Grow Better As A ...

Three years ago, I found myself in a cramped office, staring at a spreadsheet teeming with numbers that detailed the performance of our latest lead generation campaign. As the founder of Apparate, I was used to dissecting data and strategizing our next moves. But that day, something felt off. My phone buzzed—an innocuous reminder of my daughter’s school play, something I had promised to attend but had completely slipped my mind. The weight of my oversight hit me harder than any failed campaign ever could. Here I was, mastering the art of managing a company, yet falling short in the one role that truly mattered: being present as a parent.

The contradiction was glaring. I had always believed that effective management was about control—controlling the processes, the outcomes, the narratives. Yet, in my personal life, this approach seemed to falter. The more I clung to control, the more distant and disconnected I became from my family. This realization was unsettling, and it begged a question I couldn't ignore: Was my pursuit of professional success at odds with my personal values?

What followed was a journey that I hadn't anticipated—one that involved stepping back from the reins and reevaluating what it truly meant to lead, both at work and at home. In this article, I'll share how leaving management transformed me into a more present, engaged parent and reveal the unexpected lessons that reshaped my approach to both family and business.

The Day I Realized I Was Managing My Family Like a Team

Three months ago, during a routine Monday morning, I found myself in a familiar setting—a video call with a Series B SaaS founder who had just burned through a staggering amount of capital trying to scale their operation. As we dissected his approach, I realized his management style mirrored my own at home: meticulous, transactional, and heavily reliant on KPIs. It hit me like a bolt of lightning. Was I managing my family like a business team?

That evening, while having dinner with my wife and two kids, I caught myself slipping into the same pattern. I was delegating chores like tasks in a sprint meeting, expecting immediate compliance and efficiency. My kids, just 10 and 7, were my reluctant junior managers, and I could see the strain it was causing. I was running my family with the same precision that I applied at Apparate, and it wasn't working. My wife pointed out that our home had become too much about structure and too little about spontaneity and connection. I needed to change, but how?

Realizing the Cost of Over-Management

I had to acknowledge the cost of my over-management, both at work and at home. Here’s what I discovered:

• Burnout in Relationships: Just like in the workplace, over-management leads to burnout. My kids were becoming disengaged, much like employees I've seen lose motivation when micromanaged.
• Stifled Creativity: My insistence on controlling every detail left no room for my children's creativity and initiative, much like how overbearing leadership stifles innovation in business.
• Eroded Trust: Constant oversight can erode trust, whether it's between manager and employee or parent and child. My kids began to hesitate to share their thoughts, fearing they’d be critiqued.

⚠️ Warning: Over-management doesn't just kill creativity in the workplace; it can stifle family dynamics too. Watch for signs of disengagement and take steps to foster open communication and trust.

Embracing a New Approach

Realizing the parallels between managing a team and parenting was the first step. Implementing change required a conscious shift in mindset.

• Adopt a Coaching Model: Instead of dictating tasks, I began guiding my kids, much like a coach. Encouraging them to set their own goals fostered a sense of responsibility.
• Create Space for Autonomy: I learned to step back and allow my kids to make mistakes and learn from them. The same principle applies at Apparate, where autonomy leads to ownership and accountability.
• Value Emotional Intelligence: Developing emotional intelligence within my family became a priority. By being more attuned to their emotions, I became a better communicator and a more empathetic parent.

💡 Key Takeaway: Transition from a manager to a guide in both family and business. Encourage autonomy and nurture emotional intelligence for healthier relationships and better outcomes.

Building a New Framework

I began to build a new framework for both my family and my company. Here's the exact sequence we now use to balance structure with flexibility:

graph TD;
    A[Set Guiding Principles] --> B[Encourage Autonomy]
    B --> C[Provide Resources]
    C --> D[Foster Open Communication]
    D --> E[Continuous Feedback Loop]

This framework helped me create a more harmonious environment at home and a more dynamic, innovative atmosphere at Apparate. By setting clear guiding principles and encouraging autonomy, we fostered open communication, a critical component in both spheres.

As I transitioned to this new approach, the changes were palpable. My children became more engaged and happier, and I noticed a similar shift in my team at Apparate. The ripple effect was undeniable, and it all stemmed from relinquishing control and fostering an environment where everyone—whether in the family or the workplace—could thrive.

Transitioning from a management mindset to a nurturing one was pivotal, but it was only the beginning. Next, I explore how redefining success at home and work transformed not just my relationships, but also the very foundation of my approach to life and business.

The Unexpected Lesson from a Toddler's Tantrum

Three months ago, I found myself in a conference room, silently observing a toddler's tantrum, though not the sort you might imagine. I was on a video call with a client, a Series B SaaS founder, whose company had just burned through half a million dollars on a marketing campaign that yielded little more than a handful of lukewarm leads. The frustration was palpable, a grown-up version of a child's meltdown. As we dissected what went wrong, his exasperated outbursts mirrored what I often saw at home with my two-year-old: the inability to articulate a need, leading to chaos.

This moment was a mirror, reflecting back at me the same struggles I faced as a parent. At Apparate, we help businesses untangle their lead generation woes, much like I try to decipher my toddler's cryptic cries. That day, as we pored over the data, a realization hit me like a lightning bolt: the problem wasn't the campaign tools or the budget—it was the lack of listening to the subtle cues and signals. Just as my toddler couldn't yet formulate the words to express their needs, this founder hadn't tuned in to the nuanced feedback from their market.

Listening Beyond the Noise

The lesson here was unexpected but profound: effective listening isn't about hearing more but hearing better. As I translated this insight from business to parenting, I recognized the parallel needs in both realms.

• Identify the signals: Just as data metrics can indicate campaign performance, children's behavior often signals their needs. It's essential to decode these signals accurately.
• Tune in, don't tune out: In both business and parenting, it's easy to become overwhelmed by noise. The key is to focus on what's truly important.
• Respond, don't react: This is crucial. Reacting is impulsive and often counterproductive, while responding is thoughtful and informed.

In the SaaS founder's case, we began incorporating more feedback loops into their campaigns. At home, I adopted a similar strategy, paying closer attention to my child's actions and emotions, rather than simply the words—or wails—they used.

💡 Key Takeaway: Just as listening beyond the noise can transform a marketing campaign, truly hearing and responding to a child's needs can enhance your connection with them.

Building Feedback Loops

The next step was to build feedback loops that could guide both my approach at work and at home. In business, a feedback loop is essential for iterating and improving. At home, it’s about understanding and adapting.

• Regular check-ins: Implementing brief, regular meetings with the SaaS team gave us the chance to adjust strategies in real time. Similarly, I started having mini check-ins with my child—a simple, consistent time where I focused entirely on understanding their world.
• Iterative improvements: After each campaign debrief, we'd make one small change and measure its impact. At home, this translated to trying one new approach each week to see what resonated best with my child.
• Celebrating small wins: Acknowledging progress, no matter how minor, boosted morale in the team and at home. Celebrating my toddler’s achievements, like putting away a toy without being asked, made a big impact on their behavior.

These practices not only revitalized the SaaS company's pipeline but also brought a new level of harmony into my family life. My toddler’s tantrums became less frequent as I improved at interpreting their needs and responding appropriately.

Embracing the Chaos

While I initially sought to eliminate chaos, I learned to embrace it. In business, chaos can be the catalyst for innovation; at home, it’s an opportunity for growth.

• Accepting imperfection: Neither marketing campaigns nor parenting are ever perfect. Accepting this freed me to experiment more boldly.
• Finding opportunities in disorder: Often, the most significant breakthroughs come from unexpected places. In both work and family, I found that allowing a bit of disorder could lead to creative solutions.

Understanding that both my work and parenting required a degree of flexibility transformed my approach. I stopped striving for unattainable perfection and started appreciating the journey itself.

As I sat back at the end of that day in the conference room, I realized the tantrum—whether from a child or a business—wasn't a hurdle, but a hidden opportunity. The chaos had taught me a lesson I never expected to learn outside the boardroom.

In the next section, I'll explore how stepping back from management gave me the clarity to implement these lessons more effectively, both at home and at work.

Turning Chaos into Connection: The Framework I Didn't See Coming

Three months ago, I found myself on a call with a Series B SaaS founder, a conversation that would unexpectedly illuminate my personal life. The founder was in a bind, having burned through $300,000 on lead generation with dismal results. He was overwhelmed, juggling multiple roles and trying to maintain control amidst chaos. As I listened, I couldn't help but draw parallels to my own life. I, too, was caught in a whirlwind, managing Apparate, and simultaneously, my family, where chaos often reigned supreme with two young kids.

The SaaS founder’s predicament felt eerily familiar. While he spoke of his struggle to find a cohesive system amidst the disorder, I saw a reflection of my own household. At Apparate, we thrive on structure and strategy. Yet, at home, despite my best intentions, I was trying to apply business frameworks to family life, which was proving to be a recipe for stress. That’s when it hit me; the solution wasn't to impose more control but to embrace the chaos and find connection within it.

Embracing Chaos to Find Connection

That realization marked a turning point. The chaos of family life didn't need to be managed away but rather understood and embraced. From my experience with the SaaS founder, I knew that chaos often masks underlying patterns and needs. Here's how I translated that insight into my parenting:

• Listening First: Just like with a client, I began treating my children's outbursts as data points rather than disruptions. This meant truly listening without immediate judgment or solutions.
• Flexible Frameworks: At Apparate, we thrive on adaptable strategies; at home, I started applying flexible routines that allowed for spontaneity. This brought a sense of stability without stifling creativity.
• Shared Goals: In business, aligning on objectives is critical. With my family, we began setting small, shared goals—like a weekend hike or a cooking night—which fostered teamwork and connection.

💡 Key Takeaway: Embracing chaos doesn't mean surrendering to it. It’s about finding the underlying needs and patterns and building connection through understanding and shared experiences.

Building a Framework from Chaos

As we delved deeper into the SaaS founder's challenges, a framework naturally emerged. I realized this same framework could apply to family dynamics. Here’s what it looked like:

• Identify Core Needs: In business, understanding customer needs is paramount. At home, I focused on understanding the core needs of each family member, which led to more meaningful interactions.
• Create Anchors: Just like quarterly goals in business, we established family rituals—like weekly game nights—that acted as anchors amidst the chaos.
• Iterate and Adapt: In both business and family, what works one day might not work the next. Flexibility and openness to change became key components of our family framework.

From Control to Connection

The shift from control to connection was profound. It required letting go of rigid expectations and embracing a more fluid approach. For the SaaS founder, this meant redefining success not as control over every detail but as fostering a culture of collaboration and adaptability. At home, it meant valuing presence over perfection.

• Presence Over Perfection: By focusing on being present, I discovered that the quality of interactions improved dramatically, both at work and at home.
• Celebrate Small Wins: In business, small wins lead to momentum; at home, celebrating small victories—like a peaceful bedtime—built a foundation of joy and connection.
• Empower Others: Just as empowering team members can drive business success, empowering family members to contribute their ideas and solutions nurtures a sense of belonging and engagement.

As I embraced these principles, a surprising transformation occurred. Not only did I become a more engaged parent, but I also noticed a shift in how I approached business challenges. The principles of connection and adaptability became central to both my personal and professional life.

The journey from chaos to connection taught me invaluable lessons that transcended the boundaries of business and family. It was a journey of discovery—of needs, of patterns, of human connection—that reshaped my understanding of leadership in all its forms.

And as I continue to navigate these complex roles, I realize that the next step is not about finding balance but about integrating these insights into a cohesive approach. This leads us to the next chapter: understanding the art of integration, where life and work are not competing forces but complementary elements of a fulfilling life.

Rediscovering the Joy of Family: What Changed When I Stepped Back

Three months ago, I found myself on a video call with a Series B SaaS founder who had just burned through $200,000 on a marketing campaign that yielded almost nothing. As we dissected the campaign's anatomy, it became apparent that the founder was so entrenched in micromanaging every detail that he lost sight of the bigger picture. It was a familiar scenario; I had been there myself. His frustration mirrored the same feelings I had once harbored when I was balancing my role at Apparate with my responsibilities at home.

The founder's story resonated with me deeply because it was only after stepping back from management at Apparate that I realized how my approach to family life had been similarly flawed. I was managing my children like they were team members with objectives and deadlines. I was missing out on the spontaneous joy and connection that family life should bring. Ironically, it was the very act of stepping back at work that allowed me to step forward as a parent. This shift didn't just increase my happiness but also improved the quality of my relationships with my children.

The Power of Letting Go

Once I decided to step back from day-to-day management, I witnessed an unexpected transformation. My instinct had always been to control the chaos, but relinquishing control brought unexpected clarity and joy.

• Trust over Control: By trusting my team to handle the daily operations, I learned to trust my family members to manage their own experiences. This trust fostered independence and self-discovery.
• Quality Time: With fewer work responsibilities, I could be present for my children. This meant being there for bedtime stories instead of late-night emails.
• New Perspectives: My children became my teachers, showing me the importance of curiosity and wonder. They taught me to find joy in the mundane, something I had overlooked in my quest for efficiency.

✅ Pro Tip: Embrace the chaos. Allowing others to take the reins can lead to unexpected growth and joy, both professionally and personally.

Relearning Connection

As I spent more time with my family, I rediscovered the simple pleasures of connection—something I had overlooked in my earlier, more schedule-driven life.

One Saturday morning, my daughter asked if we could build a fort in the living room. My initial reaction was to say no—my mind was preoccupied with a client presentation due the following week. But I paused and said yes. As we draped sheets over furniture and crawled inside, my daughter’s eyes lit up in a way that reminded me of why I wanted to step back in the first place.

• Listening Actively: I started genuinely listening to my children, understanding their needs and desires rather than assuming I knew what was best.
• Being Present: The art of being present, really present, turned moments into memories. I wasn't just physically there but emotionally and mentally engaged.
• Celebrating Small Wins: Just like in business, celebrating small achievements in family life became crucial. Each drawing, each story, each game night was a success in its own right.

💡 Key Takeaway: Real connection happens in the moments between the plans. Be open to changing course and embrace spontaneity.

The founder I spoke with eventually realized the importance of delegation and trust within his team, much like I did with my family. We both learned that stepping back didn’t mean stepping away; it meant stepping into a role where we could focus on what truly mattered.

As I continue this journey, I’m reminded of the lesson I learned from my daughter: sometimes the best plans are the ones you never made. This newfound perspective isn't just making me a better parent; it's making me a more effective leader. In the next section, I'll explore how these personal revelations are influencing my leadership style at Apparate, transforming our company culture in ways I never expected.